Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
