new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
