So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
