This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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