Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
