oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
