I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
