I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
