i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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