Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
