Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
