thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
