I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
