I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
