You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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