i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
