I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
