I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
