Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
