i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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