i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
