Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
