I feel like abortions should bother me more
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
