if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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