4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
