Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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