if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
