I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
