WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
