you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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