Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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