Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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