sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
