I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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