i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
