There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
