this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
