It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
