Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
