I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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