I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
