i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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