Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
