That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
