I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
