can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
