I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
