I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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