You work out of a Hotel?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
