I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
