i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
