Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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