nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize