I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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